The Good Shepherd





MORNING PRAISE | May 04, 2020 | The Good Shepherd | John 10:11-18

PERSONAL REFLECTION
If my Arvisu journey were a Korean drama following a standard season of 16 episodes, I would have already been starting episode 16 by now: that calm and quiet stretch where the climax had been completed, and the open ends of the story are already being tied up, in preparation for the inevitable finale. New story arcs or plot twists no longer surface; and no new characters are being introduced; instead, conflicts big and small are being resolved and closed, marking with it the signal for characters to leave the storyline one-by-one. 

These days, I often find myself looking back at the discernment drama that I have lived for the past 289 days: the struggles, the pains, the joys. I thought that being alive for 38 years prepares you fully for this epic story, but apparently it does not. For the storyline was brimming with unexpected plot twists and unpredictable characters – all of them making me realize how little I have lived, and how much more I still need to know, understand, and experience about life and love.

And yet I find comfort in believing that the message of the story had been delivered well: it came to me through half-sober words during a nap in Mirador, after an intense contemplation of how it would have felt like to touch the wounded body of Jesus on the cross: “It is in my most vulnerable that I am most life-giving.” 

More than anything, I am convinced that the invitation for me beyond the gates of Arvisu is to make myself vulnerable for and to others – to love in whatever appropriate capacity: to love and offer myself to my beloved in a life giving way: in a way that mirrors how God has unceasingly loved me through all these years: a love that guards and protects but gives the beloved much freedom; a love that does not demand much in return; a love that is patient and never fails; a love that empowers to lay down one’s life for the beloved, much like the love of a shepherd for his flock. 

In 2007, I arrived at the decision to forego Arvisu House. Most of you know that story: it was arrived at during a contemplation involving Jesus as the good shepherd. I still remember how he looked so lovingly at me, a sheep, as he gently put me on the ground. He let me go. He gave me freedom. Last year, the image of the good shepherd came to me again during the Triduum retreat, assuring me that He loves me still, and that He will never let go of me, whichever path I may choose.

And so today, I would like to pray to Jesus, the good shepherd, who embodies perfect love. I pray that as my discernment journey here in Arvisu draws to a close, I may grow even closer to Him, and truly learn how it is to love like He does. 

Amen.     

Thought for the Day​

“It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another’s space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.” – Henri Nouwen

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