The Oracle of Nathan
MORNING PRAISE
January 29, 2020
Wednesday of the 3rd Week in Ordinary Time
PERSONAL REFLECTION
Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone like Nathan around – someone I trust;
who hears the words of the Lord clearly, and then lays everything out for me as
explicit, humanly comprehensible instructions?
In the same way that Nathan saved David from the trouble of building a
temple for the Lord (because the Lord so commanded Nathan and David), it would
also save me a whole lot of anxiety if someone can just tell me “Sandy, the
Lord says that you should apply for the novitiate to become a Jesuit priest.”
Actually, even if he tells me that God does not want me to return for the
second semester, and that it was the end of the road for me and my vocation
discernment, I would probably still be happy and grateful, and would gladly
follow what the Lord will tell me through him.
But where is this desire coming from -- this desire to be told what to do
instead of decide what to do? It almost makes me sound like I didn’t learn
anything about discernment.
Looking back at the events that unfolded after the discernment retreat,
what surfaces is the reality that I live in the midst of fears – mostly the
fear that I might be inadequate for the Jesuit life; my fear that perhaps I am
being too attached to the vocation; and most certainly the biggest fear of all,
my fear of making a wrong decision: of applying when I should not, or not
applying even if I should. All these fears point to one thing: that I do not
trust myself well enough, and that in a matter as life changing as applying for
the novitiate, I am inclined to trust and get validation from an external
source than believe myself in interpreting what God has to say.
But then there is consolation, for the days since we have returned here,
those fears had been contained to a great extent through the wise words of the
Nathans in my vocation journey (my SD, my counselor, our House Directors). I
found much comfort in my discussions with them, and because of those
discussions, I have been able to assure myself that returning for the second
semester is a good decision, and is what God wants me to do. And though I am
not sure what God will reveal to me on May 23, I am comforted by the promise of
great things to come in my life, either as a Jesuit novice under formation to
become a priest, or as a Jesuit ex-candidate.
In this sense, I would like to believe that the invitation is not to
settle with being a David who had to be explicitly told what to do; it is to be
like both Nathan and David: to be open enough to listen what God has to say,
and to be brave enough follow through on it. For when I think about what God
has to say, it will always be about protection, security, compassion and love.
And so I beg for the grace to not lose sight of this reality as I let go of the
fears that hinder me from freely going through the application process in
complete surrender to the will of the Lord.
Amen.
Thought for the Day
I do not know what will happen to me; I only
know one thing for certain, that the Lord will never fall short of His
promises. “Do not fear, I will make you suffer, but I will also give you the
strength to suffer,” Jesus tells me continually. “I want your soul to be
purified and tried by a daily hidden martyrdom”. . .”How many times,” Jesus
said to me a little while ago, “would you have abandoned me, my son, if I had
not crucified you.”
St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina
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