The Rich Young Man

SELECTED READING

The Rich Young Man | Matthew 19:16-30

PERSONAL REFLECTION

The moment it sunk in that I am finally a candidate living here in Arvisu, it became so easy for my Accountant instinct to kick in, and meticulously conjure a list of the very many things that I had to give up just so I can go full time in this discernment journey. This mental list ranges from epic things like the security of my monthly salary and the comfort and love of family and friends, down to the terribly trivial things like not having to share the toilet and bathroom with anyone, and the liberty to lounge the day away in my condo, wearing my most precious tattered sandos. 

Not to be outdone, my risk manager persona so readily reminds me that all these things had been given up without the assurance of getting anything economically concrete or tangible in the end, nor the promise of getting accepted as a Jesuit. Costs and risks considered, I delight in the idea that I am a far better person than the rich young man in today’s gospel reading.

I basked at the thought of NOT being like the rich young man, as prompted by the heavily ingrained mindset of my past occupation. But Sandy the Accountant and Sandy the Risk Manager were so heavily blindsided when during a prayer session, one unexpected question emerged: “Sandy, is there something more that you can give?”

I was confused. A quiet voice in my heart was protesting. “Really Lord? Are you asking me this? Talaga lang?”

I thought I had already given everything up, and so it was so unclear why am I still being asked this question.

The Lord, generous and patient as he had always been with me, seems to have made me realize slowly why that question still needs to be asked. These things I have given up – whether they be big or small, were graces that He so generously sprinkled into my life even if I did not ask for them; even if I did not do anything to deserve them. They were given for me to receive, grow, and make use of; but were not necessarily meant for me to keep – thus they are not exactly mine. They were all His to begin with. I did not really give Him anything.

Reflecting on this further, it also hit me: even the courage to let go of these things and liberties that I used to have are also from the Lord. I wouldn’t have had the courage to enter Arvisu if God had not paved the way and went ahead to fix the hiccups that I would have gotten into – from the way that I managed to settle nearly all of my financial obligations despite my very meager, practically non-existent life savings; to the ease with which I found a potential buyer for the condo in the person of a very good friend who is very supportive of my decision to enter Arvisu; to the way my family’s mindset had been and still is being prepared in the event that I do end up becoming a vowed religious.

Truly, God’s generosity can never be outdone, and I am in no position to regard myself as a better person than our gospel reading’s rich young man. And while I seem to have given up a lot, I would like to beg God for the same grace that St. Ignatius himself had asked for: to be generous without counting the cost; to persist in loving God and serving Him even if it will hurt at times; and to offer my entire self as a lowly vessel of God’s abundant and overflowing grace, because in reality that is all that I am – a lowly vessel.

I would like to ask the Lord for the capacity to help keep Sandy the Accountant and Sandy the Risk Manager at bay, because ultimately, there is nothing to account for, and the risks had already been mitigated by our God, whose patience, love, and generosity is steadfast and unwavering.

Amen.