The Journey with Teddy

  This will be my final blog entry. The image above is a word cloud generated from a compilation of all my morning praise reflections as a Jesuit candidate in Arvisu House. I was blindly taking on this word cloud project, genuinely curious about what my reflections would reveal about the entire experience. It makes me happy that in the end, data reveals that God is at the center of it after all.  Make no mistake: it still makes me sad that I was rejected  not accepted to become a Jesuit novice, but I am fully convinced that God had His hand in that fateful decision. In his subtle way, I would like to think that He prepared me for it -- making me realize, especially in prayer during my final days there (Arvisu House) that He had always been with me, and nothing is bound to change that.  Nevertheless, as I continue to anticipate what He has in store for me, I continue to be disoriented, not knowing what to do with my life in the midst of this awful pandemic. This Covid-19 plague is reall

MORNING PRAISE | May 22, 2020 | Jesus' Departure | John 16:20-23 PERSONAL REFLECTION One December evening in 2005, our television’s reception of ABS-CBN was unexpectedly, almost miraculously clear, and this allowed me to watch JesCom’s tv movie called “ Maging Akin Muli .” I never fully grasped back then how this serendipitous moment would turn out to be a decisive moment in my life: for it will apparently mark the beginning of my vocation discernment journey, which, as it turns out, will be one crazy adventure spanning almost 15 long years. Nine days from now, just like each one of you, I will be handed a letter which contains a confirmation of how that 15 years of discernment will come to an end. It’s amazing how much is at stake in that one decisive morning – the coming to an end of a 15-year journey; the conclusion of ten months of adventure in this sacred house that I have learned to call “home.” Much like most of you, I have no idea how that moment will turn

MORNING PRAISE | May 13, 2020 | The Vine and the Branches | John 15:1-8 PERSONAL REFLECTION There’s a pervasive sense of simplicity and uncomplicatedness in today’s gospel. It can be seen in how Jesus tells his disciples that pruning is necessary for one to bear fruit. It then jumps right at you when Jesus gives the disciples two options: remain in Him so that they may bear fruit; or not remain in Him and face the certainty of withering and eventual burning into a fire. Plain. Simple. Uncomplicated. These days, as I continue to count the remaining days that lead to announcement day, I cannot deny that I crave that same level of plainness and simplicity; to achieve that same sense of clarity and focus in all my life’s affairs. I desire that uncomplicatedness in life; one that is free from the distractions of the many, many things that run through my head on a daily basis. Jesus makes it all sound so simple: choose one and be rewarded; choose the other and suffer.

MORNING PRAISE | May 04, 2020 |  The Good Shepherd |  J ohn 10:11-18 PERSONAL REFLECTION If my  Arvisu  journey were a Korean drama following a standard season of 16 episodes,  I would have already been starting episode 1 6  by now: that  calm and quiet stretch  where the climax had been  completed , and the open ends of the story are already being  tied up , in preparation for the  inevitable  finale.  N ew story arcs or plot twists  no longer surface ;  and  no new characters  are  being introduced;  instead, conflicts big and small are being resolved and closed, marking with it the signal for characters to leave the storyline one-by-one.  These days, I often find myself looking back at the discernment  drama  that I have lived for the past 289 days: the struggles, the pains, the joys.  I thought that being alive for 38 years prepares you fully for this epic story, but apparently it does not. For the storyline  was  brimming with unexpected plot twists and unpredi

MORNING PRAISE | April 24, 2020 The Multiplication of Loaves | John 6:1-15 PERSONAL REFLECTION When I was a young boy, I was once taught that Jesus did not literally perform a miracle by multiplying the loaves and the fishes; instead, when the people saw the young boy and his humble offering, they were moved by his compassion and felt ashamed, and so they started to take out the food that they had with them all along; sharing what they had to those who had little or none. I think about it now, but it doesn’t seem to matter how all those people had been fed. Is it even worth the trouble to obsess over processes, procedures and methodologies when at the end of the day, everything is shaped by a single over-arching reason? Put to words in a more general and practical sense, you can have many “how”s, but would any of that still matter when all of them are driven by a single “why”? Interestingly, it was a barrage of “how” questions that had been a source of great desolat

MORNING PRAISE | April 15, 2020 The Appearance on the Road to Emmaus | Luke 24:13-35 PERSONAL REFLECTION I remembered Fr. John Hagileiram on the evening of Maundy Thursday, intoxicated as I was with the negativity that I had been brewing for myself over the days leading to the Triduum. The memories of Fr. John proved to be a very potent antidote against the toxic thoughts and ideas I was willfully poisoning myself with. I remembered Fr. John for the way he always intently listened to me with a non-judgmental look on his face as I shared to him the many scandalous wrong turns I have made over the course of my life. I remembered how he would often smile and close his eyes as he nodded his head while I shared with him the fruits of my prayer and my experiences as a candidate here in Arvisu. I remembered Fr. John and the words he told me on my last SD session with him last January, during his birthday. Seeing how distressed I was and how I rambled to articulate the fea

MORNING PRAISE | April 05, 2020 The Anointing at Bethany John12:1-11 PERSONAL REFLECTION How does one measure self-worth in the time of Covid-19? In the midst of helplessness and isolation, where does one even begin to find his value to his family, his community, and the world? As I go through my quarantine-altered life here in Arvisu, my social media feed is bombarded with stories that direct my attention to what’s happening outside 134 B. Gonzales Street. My digital screens open my eyes to stories of other people’s pain and suffering: the dire situation that our medical front liners are being made to confront; the plea of the marginalized for food to quell their hunger; the grieving of families who lost someone they love to the virus, and how their final moments are laced with loneliness – dying alone in the company of strangers, deprived of the dignity of final goodbyes and I love you’s. Yet almost in the same breath, I am also made aware of how oblivious s