The Journey with Teddy

  This will be my final blog entry. The image above is a word cloud generated from a compilation of all my morning praise reflections as a Jesuit candidate in Arvisu House. I was blindly taking on this word cloud project, genuinely curious about what my reflections would reveal about the entire experience. It makes me happy that in the end, data reveals that God is at the center of it after all.  Make no mistake: it still makes me sad that I was rejected  not accepted to become a Jesuit novice, but I am fully convinced that God had His hand in that fateful decision. In his subtle way, I would like to think that He prepared me for it -- making me realize, especially in prayer during my final days there (Arvisu House) that He had always been with me, and nothing is bound to change that.  Nevertheless, as I continue to anticipate what He has in store for me, I continue to be disoriented, not knowing what to do with my life in the midst of this awful pandemic. This Covid...

MORNING PRAISE | April 15, 2020 The Appearance on the Road to Emmaus | Luke 24:13-35 PERSONAL REFLECTION I remembered Fr. John Hagileiram on the evening of Maundy Thursday, intoxicated as I was with the negativity that I had been brewing for myself over the days leading to the Triduum. The memories of Fr. John proved to be a very potent antidote against the toxic thoughts and ideas I was willfully poisoning myself with. I remembered Fr. John for the way he always intently listened to me with a non-judgmental look on his face as I shared to him the many scandalous wrong turns I have made over the course of my life. I remembered how he would often smile and close his eyes as he nodded his head while I shared with him the fruits of my prayer and my experiences as a candidate here in Arvisu. I remembered Fr. John and the words he told me on my last SD session with him last January, during his birthday. Seeing how distressed I was and how I rambled to articulate the fea...

Today marks the start of my discernment year as a Jesuit candidate at Arvisu House. The road that led me here was long and winding, and through the many crossroads, I admittedly lost my way on so many occasions. And yet, through all of it, unexpected and by the grace of God, here I am — I was bound to get here after all. I thank my family for their generosity and understanding why I need to embark on this journey. I thank my very supportive friends who knew about this step I  am taking and kept it to themselves as per my initial request (you are now off the hook. Lol) Finally, I thank the Jesuits for taking me in as one of their candidates this year, and journeying with me as we discern His will for me. At this point no one knows where this discernment journey will take me, and it’s easy to see why this could be such a terrifying thing. But sometimes you need to step out of the comfortable and familiar to truly see where you need to be in the greater scheme of things....

Dear All: Monday marks the start of FY2020 for the company, but for me, it marks the start of something else: the chapter of my life that I spend outside of the company. Yes -- after nearly eleven years in the company, I have decided to ‘leave the company to pursue other  interests *  PASSIONS .‘ A relationship that lasts that long is bound to change you in many ways: it claws its way into your innermost being, in the process exposing both your weaknesses and failures; but more importantly your best self and your potential. And so understandably, ending the relationship comes with pain – because parting ways means having to pull out that claw - no matter how deeply burrowed, seeing that claw slowly fade away, and then becoming aware of the void that it had carved out of your being. And yet beyond the pain, there is relief and gratefulness, because that past decade also equates to more than ten years of fond memories and growth in this fantastic company. In the ...